No Whiners, Please

Posted August 23rd, 2009 by Women of Faith

From Messy Purse Girls:

I went to the Women of Faith conference in Tampa, FL over the weekend. This is what I expected: a bunch of whining women on stage talking about their lives. They didn’t whine though; they really spoke about unexpected aspects to their faith. I was particularly taken by the musical guests. I thought they would be there for entertainment purposes only. Steven Curtis Chapman and Mandisa gave two totally different performances than one would assume.

Steven Curtis Chapman recently lost one of his children, a 5 year old girl whom he had adopted, to a tragic accident. He shared about not how bitter and angry he was, but rather how serene he was knowing Jesus had her. With complete gusto, he sang a song written before her death, that shared his love about his daughters. I found myself crying way, way too much. I was surprised by my reaction. I am not one that really enjoys crying in public, nor do I find watching others cry comfortable. Thank goodness I grabbed a hefty wad of toilet paper from the bathroom just before his performance. It almost became a huge mess as I kept using and reusing the same minute squares of paper. Compared to the number of tears he and his wife shed, it was a spec in the ocean.

Public emotion makes me very uncomfortable. I am not sure why. I don’t become empathetic. I become sort of embarrassed. Lisa Welchel spoke at the same conference about how some women have a disconnect with their emotions. She shared how she was made to build a wall of protection around herself as a child. She even insisted that God help her build it. The problem was that God didn’t want her to keep it up forever. She couldn’t take it down effectively and share herself with her husband and children. The wall of sin and shame that had developed over the years was easier for her to hide behind instead of allowing the people she loved to see her vulnerable. This scary process of letting others see her weaknesses was only possible through the Holy Spirit.

Once my emotional spill came out on Friday in a clump of saturated tissues, I was ready to receive. I did feel lighter. The music sounded just a little bit peppier; the arena felt a little less crowded. Easing into this process of attending to the speakers and letting their messages write on my heart filled me up. They didn’t whine. In fact, they really proclaimed some good honest gritty truth. They spoke about realistic circumstances that I could relate to and I felt their positive energy quite radically. Being in a place with 10,000 other women around me resonated peace and harmony to my soul. The tangible support I felt was so loving and strong.

On a different wave length, Mandisa sang and danced on the stage with no shoes on. She was barefoot and loving it. Her voice shook the whole place. I swear she was just singing for me. I could not help but to move. I think she would have jumped off the stage and grabbed my hand if I let her. I do not believe in reincarnation, but I do fantasize about coming back to Earth as a tall, stout black woman who can sing well. That is who I feel like inside. Why can’t I just be that way? I’m sure Mandisa won’t mind if threw my shoes off and danced in the background. I know Jesus won’t care. He is the reason for the crazy courage I feel.

So, if at the next Women of Faith conference you see a barefoot, blubbering, dancing crazy woman in the stands, just look at me and excuse my embarrassing display of joy.

Tags: Mandisa, Steven Curtis Chapman, Tampa, women of faith